

Square, square, square, triangle, square - 1000 credits, one time only

I hear boss fights are fiendishly difficult, but I’m in chapter six of the game’s eight sections and have yet to face one.Pause the game before entering these cheats. The environment is full of meat grinder turbines and other ways to kill enemies creatively with telekinesis, but without significant upgrades, I’ve got barely enough power to use them. I’ve seen a lot of complaints about The Callisto Protocol’s difficulty spikes, but the problem so far isn’t just that combat lurches between easy and hard it’s that it’s too spaced-out to get a feel for. What players really want is a simulation of navigating your hoarder uncle’s attic. Every two or three rooms, and sometimes multiple parts of the same room, just feel separated by some barrier that stops gameplay dead. There are great games about slowly moving through empty spaces, but that’s not what’s happening here. In Schofield’s book, squeezing through 18-inch gaps in cement (or ducts or debris piles or sewer pipes) is the most compelling activity in the world. The real action is in squeezing through cracks. And worst of all, clearing rooms of zombies is apparently too crude a pleasure for the discerning modern gamer. Even the little dopamine rewards that peppered Dead Space, like watching my character’s outfits and health bar get steadily beefier, are drearily absent.

Compared with Dead Space’s delightfully diverse weapons and monsters, its guns feel nearly identical and meaningful enemy variety is almost nonexistent. Its stealth sections are so perfunctorily designed that they’re accidentally comical - I love alerting enemies by moving too quickly but tumbling into a crowd of them during a loudly squelching “stealth kill” with no repercussions. Its shooting and melee mechanics use awkward controls, don’t flow together, and work terribly in fights with clusters of enemies. It’s irritatingly stingy with upgrade materials, inventory slots, and power for its telekinesis glove, pushing me toward basic meat-and-potatoes combat. But The Callisto Protocol carelessly snatches satisfaction away from me at every turn.
